That this saying is a common phrase in our society is no mistake, it is truth spoken because many times when we are feeling down we relish seeing others miserable as well. It really is a perverse pleasure but we've all been in that space. Well, it was one of those weeks- someone in my world had sunken into their personal deep waters and they were trying to pull me under too. I had a choice, sink or swim.
I chose to swim, but this was a riptide I was dealing with and it required use of a couple of options in my tool bag. The first tool I chose to put into action was compassion. This individual was being triggered by their own ghosts; having been triggered once, okay maybe twice, in my life I fully understood the challenge that was before them. I also knew that this person had been on the receiving end of my triggers and misery once, okay maybe twice, in our relationship with one another. Fair is fair, it was their turn to be held in loving support, which I willingly committed to in my own mind.
Next I pulled out of my bag a bit of universal wisdom- We can not go through another's process for them. I had thoughts and ideas that were itching for expression floating about in my awareness, which I believed were golden nuggets to possibly aid the other in moving past their upheaval. But alas, they had not asked for, and were honestly hostile towards, any suggestions or insight I might offer. Right, let them go at their own speed and direction. Check!
I was feeling fairly enlightened at this point, really kind of proud at my ability to hold this space for another, when I decided to whip out one more piece of spiritual magic- I would envision myself along with this other person in loving connection and joy. Not a bad idea, right? So, there I was quickly approaching guru level... I jest, I was just an average person trying to consciously manifest that which I sought and I was steadily humming along there for a few days quite successfully.
Until...They finally found the right ammo from their space of despondency to take me down. I crumbled. I too stood right along beside them in my own misery, which only made me more miserable. Damn it and all! I was pissed, the ranting in my mind held a vigil for all that fueled my anger, and I now I found myself wanting their misery to accompany mine until we were one heavy, gray cloud that blanketed our lives. Ugh. Am I bringing you down now too?
Thus began stage two of the dramas: How the hell do I get myself out of this one and do I really want to? Yeah, I didn't feel like being Miss Pissy Pants for days on end, so I went back to the basics in any tool bag- seek the support of another. By that I mean I found someone that allowed me to vent my frustrations. I spewed all the venom that was storming about my innards, I must admit it felt divine, and then I was done. This sweet spirit heard me and acknowledged my feelings. There was nothing else they could do to fix the situation and so I was left to let the dust settle. My goal in sharing wasn't to maintain my victim state for all eternity, but was instead to allow an honest expression that dissipated the hostility so that I could come back to center. Further misery averted. Ta-dah!
Some might think that I failed in my attempts to not be seduced by another's woes but I see things from a different perspective. I admit, I had a temporary lapse, but temporary is the key phrase, because it suggests growth to me. In days gone by I could have unconsciously stayed in that state for an untold amount of time but in this instance I had much more insight and use of conscious skills at hand.
I had done the human tango, humanity had spun me about on the dance floor until I was left feeling a bit dizzy but nevertheless, I was an active participant. That's all we can ask of ourselves as we hurtle through the days of our lives, attempt and effort at being aware and active in our role, healing and growth. So the next time another's misery asks, "May I have this dance?", respond with a vehement, "Let's cha-cha!"
Be well and happy.
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